This little piggy went to market�

I cannot believe that not a single one of you intelligent, informed individuals commented on my geographical goof yesterday! Well, if you click back, you will see that I have emended it, but how many will remember the original blunder?

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Have I mentioned recently how much I hate shopping? Did I also ever tell you about the time I went in search of a red brassiere? Are you also aware that I never seem to learn and I am also a glutton for punishment? Yes, there�s a story here.

Having returned to Future Shop>> to buy the telephone that caused me so much anguish yesterday, I looked across the street at the mall (that temple complex to unabashed consumerism) and thought to myself: Self, it wouldn�t hurt just to pop in for a minute or two, now would it? So I popped into Simon�s and looked at their lingerie. I even selected three likely victims and tried them on in the dressing room, but decided I really didn�t like any of them. The 34Cs were too small for my oversized bazongas, and the one 34D on the rack was uhglee.

So I headed for Sears and found one (1) red bra that looked like it might do the trick, a low-priced item from my friend CK. Now it was a 34C, but the cups (or bonnets as they call them here) are made from stretchy lace and I can manage to stuff all of my bodacious boobs in them. Actually, this is the best time to test a bra because I am bloated with PMS and my breasts feel twice their normal size (which would be impossible, but bear with the imagery, please). So I plunked down my store credit card and am now the reasonably proud owner of a red brassiere. I also bought a little change purse since my old one had reached the point of no return and Hubby�s Father�s Day present.

But before I go, I have several questions which may or may not be rhetorical but which prey on my mind. First and foremost, where do �cafeteria ladies� buy their bras? Secondly, if many women these days are having their breasts augmented, why aren�t there more bras in department or specialty stores that reflect the small ribcage/large boobs combination? Thirdly, where do these specially-endowed girls purchase their underwear? And finally, why do most makers of D-cups not realize that a 34 bra wearer doesn�t have the same chest area in which to put the same amount of underwiring you would find on a 36 or larger? My really expensive bra has a size C underwire, but a larger fabric cup, and it works great. Are they stupid or what?

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