I just want to be loved.

I have been feeling extremely needy today. I’m sure a lot of it is brought on by yesterday’s news about my mother. On that subject, I talked to my big brother who called from Israel. She is on the lowest dosage possible of this anti-psychotic drug, the name of which escapes me, and it is making her more amenable to taking her other medications and cooperating with the staff. My brother told me a little bit about his conversation with our other brother, who said that he was really, really glad that Mummy was in this particular retirement residence. I, on the other hand, while I recognize that it’s an excellent place and she did well in her choice, still feel that her place is with her family, not among strangers. Be that as it may, she is there, and they are doing a great job looking out for her. But it’s not the same as being surrounded by people who know you, who can remind you of your family and tell you stories about yourself.

Another reason is that I just finished reading The Kite Runner, an excellent novel which I recommend to one and all. It was very well written, but also very disturbing, and until I had finished the last page, I was affected by it when I wasn’t actually reading it.

I am also missing a dear friend, with whom I usually chat everyday online, while he is off visiting another friend of ours. He travels home tomorrow and hopefully I will get to find out all about his trip on Tuesday. In the meantime, I have been anxious about his safety while in transit. I’m such a mother hen!

The person to whom I naturally turn for comfort in my fragile state is my husband, who is so caught up in his own stressful life that he falls a little short of the mark. All I want is to be held and told that I am loved. Maybe that’s all that he wants, too. Perhaps we’re just not fit to comfort each other right now.

When my son was small, I would get down on my knees and hug him and all my cares would just drop away. Now that he’s taller than I am, I no longer have to kneel, but his hugs still do the trick. If only I could whisk him home when I need him.

Sigh.

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