Happy Summer Solstice!

In order to celebrate the summer solstice and to make up for the fact that we have no bellydancing for the rest of the summer, Patsy and I went out for a treat tonight at a bistro, sitting outside so that the traffic, including a police car and a fire truck, could regale us with its discordant music as we drank our caf�s au lait and ate our entirely too calorific and caries-inducing g�teaux. I had something called choco-caramel and hers was a bombe poire William. Very decadent. Exceedingly bad for us. Absolutely fabulous in every way.

My dear friend tcklyrpharsn has gotten into the interactive Diaryland groove and put out her own questionnaire, which I will attempt to answer honestly. Here goes:

1. How many of you, while being seriously attached, have experienced, at one time or another, a fairly strong attraction to another person? And if so, has it been one person in particular, or a long parade of passing fancies?

During the past 22 years I have found myself attracted to other people, and while I would not call it a �parade of passing fancies�, there have definitely been more than one, but not more than one at a time.

2. Do you think that it is more dangerous to entertain notions of one person in particular than a parade of passing fancies?

Um, it depends on what you mean by �entertain notions�. What I think you mean is �have impure thoughts about�, or contemplate a breach of marriage vows, especially the �forsaking all others� one. As I said in response to No. 1 up there, generally I am attracted to one person at a time, even if there is a succession of crushes; so entertaining notions about one would be the same as entertaining notions about all.

3. If it is one person in particular, and this person is a friend, would you say that it is better to stop hanging out with him altogether?

Most of the time, the source of attraction is not someone I normally hang out with. Recently, however, I have found myself physically attracted to one of my students. Luckily he is in his early 20s and I am in my late 40s and he is not attracted to me, so there is no danger there.

4. If not, how do you deal/have you dealt with retaining them as a friend but not continually dwelling on the crush?

I find that with time the attraction diminishes. Usually the crush himself does something to make me realize that I could never get involved with him. I actually had impure thoughts about one of my brothers-in-law (I�m not saying which) until he said something so totally stupid that I realized I could never have anything to do with him in that way. I still like him, but I no longer get that frisson when he gives me that brotherly hug or kiss. As a matter of fact, the last time I saw him he was quite inebriated and was being overly affectionate, and I just wanted him off me!

I think the danger in being attracted to someone not your significant other is proportionate to how attracted that person is to you. For instance, a student who strikes up a close friendship with her professor and finds that she has powerful feelings for him is only in danger of compromising her primary relationship if the professor also finds her attractive. Only a very sleazy person would take advantage of that kind of situation, as in the proverbial married boss/pretty secretary scenario. But if the sexual attraction is very powerful and is getting in the way of the friendship, it is probably a good idea to back off and stay away until the feeling fades. If the friendship is a good one, it will endure. Otherwise you have to ask yourself why you are attracted to this guy: because you are of like minds, or because you want to get into his pants?

Well, there�s my 2� worth. Two cents won�t buy much these days, but you asked.

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