Wee widdle me!
7:40 a.m.
I started leaving her a note in her guestbook to the effect that now that she has everything she ever dreamed of, she needs to get pregnant and have a baby. Nothing, I was going to say, fills you up and keeps you busy like a baby. You simply don�t have time to feel empty and unfulfilled. Either that or get a full-time job. In any case, it sounds like my diarist has too much time on her hands, exercises too much introspection, and is waiting for life to happen to her, instead of firmly grasping the bull by the horns, leaping onto its back, and landing in the arms of the dancer at its tail end.
I did not leave the note because I realized that she would probably not appreciate my advice. As I am being reminded constantly these days, one has to make one�s own mistakes in order to esteem the experience and wisdom of those who have gone before. And for those of us who have been there, done that, it is particularly frustrating watching those same young people make mistakes, when we already know the outcome and feel that just by saying a few words we could avert disaster.
It feels very strange for me to actually be writing these words. Even though on paper I am 47 years old and I have teenaged children, I don�t feel any older than those people who are agonizing in their early- mid- or late-twenties. Even when I look in the mirror (especially in bad light without my contacts in), the person I see is the same one who graduated from university in 1982. Acquaintances comment on how I do not change. But I have changed. One cannot live one�s life fully and not change. One of my insecurities has always been a fear that people do not take me seriously, mostly because of my short stature and youthful appearance. I am realizing that this is not true. When my daughter was younger, we were talking about her friends� reaction to me. She said they were a little afraid of me. I asked her, �How can they be afraid of me? I�m so little?� and she answered, �Mom, you just look little!�
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