Did someone say �February thaw�?
8:30 a.m.
Discussing my daughter�s birth-control activities doesn�t seem to be all that important an issue any more. Her father is upset with the business of her spending time with her boyfriend at his house, away from Dad�s watchful eye, and when she asked if she could go to Montreal with him for a couple of days over March break, he nearly lost it. I then felt I could stay silent no longer and described to my dear mate, after our daughter had left the table in a huff with some expression like �I am grown up�, my discovery on garbage day last week and what this means. Basically, once these kids have started having sex, nothing we do will reverse that trend, but they will find opportunities where they can to continue having it. It just so happens that BF�s mother is tr�s cool with this (maybe because it�s her son and not her daughter who�s involved here, although I don�t think she would have been too concerned about her daughter�s sexual activities either, but that is another story) and has actually facilitated their stepping up of intimacies.
So, when I do have that little talk with my daughter, my knowing about her pill-taking will not be an issue at all. What Hubby and I are most concerned about is the emotional impact that having sex has on young people, and how they can totally screw up their lives because their hormones are doing the talking instead of their brains. I know, because I have been there and almost ruined my own life because I was having sex at age 17. What my darling daughter does not realize now (and what I did not realize then) is that your first love is not your last love. In the famous words of some T-shirt manufacturer: �So many men, so little time!�
What actually concerns me more is her BF�s attitude. This guy is so incredibly emotionally dependent at 16. He�s picked up some very strange attitudes from his mother, like �treat every relationship like it�s for life�, that frankly scare me. His mother has had three children from three different men, only the last one actually being a long-term relationship (this man has in effect raised all three of her kids as his own), and now they are separated. I also found out recently that about nine years ago she carried a child as a surrogate mother, and it was her common-law partner who had second thoughts towards the end of the pregnancy and considered keeping the baby for themselves. So how can I trust this woman�s judgement when it comes to my own daughter?
Something else bothers me about the BF with regard to his step-father. He was saying that D provided food and shelter and clothing for him, but not much emotional support, leaving that to his mother. Now that they are separated, D is a different person, more loving and wanting to have an actual relationship. I asked him what was wrong with that? BF answered that he didn�t know if he wanted this or not. So I sort of lit into him (without actually yelling or anything) that to all intents and purposes this man is his father, and he might never have another opportunity to develop a relationship like this with him. It is a gift being handed to him and we should cherish any opportunity we get to have that kind of relationship with a parent or other family member. I speak from personal experience, having had a father who was distant and non-involving, and now regretting that he is dead and we never really had the opportunity to develop a normal father-daughter relationship. But BF is 16, knows everything, and can�t see beyond himself, which is what the teenage years are all about. I just hope my daughter is smarter and more mature than that with regard to her own life.
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