To Meema, wherever she may be!
2:11 p.m.
from meema:How do you explain/reconcile your position that hosts should consider your dietary preferences but that your family must eat what you prepare for them? I�ve always thought that you shouldn�t tell someone what to make you unless it�s a serious health issue (i.e., diabetes or an allergy) or he asks you. As a hostess I will ask someone if she�s vegetarian, or I�ll prepare extra of a vegetarian side dish if I have a lot of people coming and I don�t know who eats what. However I�ve greatly resented when people tell me what they don�t eat. To me it�s the equivalent of the gift registery: Not everything is about getting exactly what you want.
Who are you dear? Why do you leave me a note which just begs an answer without also leaving me an address to answer to? You actually followed the threads back to people who left me notes, or else you wouldn�t have known about my comment to harri3tspy that my family eats what I like. You sound both antagonistic and defensive, as well as unsympathetic to your guests� digestive tracts. By informing my hostess beforehand that there are certain foods I don�t eat, I am not asking her to serve me what I want, but not to serve me what I won�t eat, thus not embarassing either of us: her for preparing a meal which I reject and me for having to reject her lovingly-prepared meal.
As for my family, I�m the one doing the cooking, so I�m not going to prepare foods I myself do not like. There are also foods other members of my family do not like. I cook within those guidelines and never force anyone to eat anything odious to them. My son won�t eat raw tomatoes or green peppers, and he is not penalized for picking them out of the salad. I abhor asparagus and brussel sprouts, but will prepare them for my husband and daughter when they are in season and I�m feeling particularly magnanimous. My son has discovered the siren call of meat, but I will not prepare it at home because we have a pescevegetarian household. But if he wants to order it when we are in a restaurant, I do not refuse to pay for it. If he wants to have me over for dinner when he has his own residence, he knows that I will not eat meat if it is placed before me.
As for people telling you what they don�t eat being equivalent to a gift registry, you have been to entirely too many weddings. I do not tell my hosts what to serve me, just what not to serve me. So if a standing-rib roast appears on the table with the other food, they are warned in advance that I will not partake thereof. I have been to dinner where we neglected to inform our hosts, people I would never want to hurt ever, that we don�t eat meat, and the main course was meatballs and pasta. They were more embarassed than I.
Wouldn�t you prefer as a hostess that your guests find all of your offerings unresistable? How do you feel when Mrs. Schwartz declines the porkchop on her plate and says, �I�m sorry dear, I keep kosher and don�t eat pork� or when you pass the beef stroganoff to Mr. Jenkins only to be told, �I despise mushrooms!� Wouldn�t you much rather serve a meal which you are assured will be acceptable to all (or at least be forewarned when it won�t be) rather than be embarassed in such a fashion? I know I would.
from saucy99 :
Man, some people are *way* too sensitive. Just for the record, I am a meat-eater. If I were having a dinner party, I would probably prepare a meat dish. And if I were having you over to my dinner party I would be most gracious for any advance warning regarding your dietary preferences. When I have people over for dinner its because I like to entertain and provide an enjoyable evening for my friends, I would feel pretty awful if all I had on the menu was steak and I found out my dear friend elgan who came over was a vegetarian! Oh and thanks for the note. Things are particularlly hectic right now and I don't know what I am going do. I do know that when I have kids, I will never, ever put my kids in a similar predicament. The only way I would behave the way my dad is, would be if one of my kids had a s.o. that dealt crack to children, or something along those lines.
from harri3tspy :
I'm so glad you're back from vacation! It's been so quiet while you were gone. Who'd have thought something as simple as telling someone you're a vegetarian would stir up so many strong feelings? By the way, my sitemeter shows no record of anyone linking through from your site, which is quite odd, considering that comment.
from tcklyrpharsn :
Well, you've started quite the firestorm, haven't you? Okay, so, for the record, I'm not eating salmon anymore, mmkay? So next time I come, no salmon.
from harri3tspy :
Asking about dietary preferences when you're the hostess is definitely the way to do it. As for cooking multiple meals, I don't. I tried it briefly and it was crazy. My husband's learning to like vegetarian food. AJ is just a picky, picky eater. For a while this had become a health issue, so we coalesced to his preferences, but now we've started a new regime where he has to eat what we're eating and he has to try some of everything. It's not going terribly well, but I assume he'll get hungry sooner or later!
from ladybug-red :
Welcome back! And piss off to anyone for calling you a liar. How RUDE!
from tcklyrpharsn :
You know what? Pardon my french, but twocoffees needs to be told to fuck right off. Whose business is it, anyway? If someone has nothing better to do than assault people they don't know regarding their dietary choices, they can go straight to the Pit of Fire and good riddance. So there, biotch.
from harri3tspy :
As another vegetarian who eats fish, I usually just call myself a vegetarian because it's simpler. No one's really looking for an explanation, so why give them information they don't care about? If you're invited to dinner and you say something like, "I'm a vegetarian but I eat fish too," then they might feel obligated to make you fish, since you went out of the way to mention it. Since that is clearly not your intention, I can't see why there's a problem. Now if, while you're at dinner, you get into a discussion about the philosophy behind your decision to be a vegetarian and you neglected to mention the fish thing, that might be different. Recently, actually, I've begun to eat chicken on occasion, mainly because I was getting very tired of fixing three separate meals every night, one for each member of this clearly dietetically challange family. It's in the spirit of compromise, however. My meat and potatoes husband is learning to love vegetarian entrees as well. But I still prefer to eat vegetarian and have not gone out of my way to mention my change in diet to anyone, I still sign up for vegetarian meals at conferences, etc. I have always been on the fence about what to do in the dinner guest situation you mention. I tend not to say anything in advance, take a little of everything and avoid eating the things that aren't part of my diet. I've been afraid of sounding too demanding of someone who is nice enough to ask me over. But I always worry they'll think I don't like their food.
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