The three esses: Sad, Sick and Sordid
9:24 p.m.
A 15-year-old girl related the following story: Her mother�s husband started beating up on her when she was about 12 or 13, and actually raped her when she was 14. The only people she ever told these events to were in online chatrooms. Her period was late by a month and she attempted suicide and ended up in the hospital. She was not, in fact, pregnant, but so stressed out that her period was delayed by a month or more. After that her step-father became more careful, and started sodomizing her instead. This would happen when her mother was out of town (which is quite frequent) and her little sister sleeping over at a friend�s house. A month ago he was admitted to the psych ward because he was �hearing� things and talking back to people who weren�t there. He is being released sometime this week, and she is not looking forward to him returning to their house.
I spent a lot of time getting her to tell the whole story (there are a lot of interruptions in a chatroom, believe me, with people coming and going all the time and vying for attention) because I wanted to help her. She�s 15 for chrissakes! She left the room for a while to answer the phone, and the rest of us discussed it and decided that the best immediate course of action would be for her to call 911, get examined by a doctor right away who would confirm both vaginal and anal penetration, and nail this step-father character before he even gets out of the psych ward. Personally I would have had her talk to a guidance counsellor or the school nurse first, but this seemed to be the most expedient route.
When she returned we told her what we thought. She is afraid to tell anyone because she worries that this will make things bad for her mother. Apparently her mother is bigger and stronger than her husband, and he is really sweet to her. He is also nice to the little sister. It is just our 15-year-old who is bearing the brunt of his misogynistic violence. She thinks she can wait it out until she�s 18 and leave the house. This is crazy! Unfortunately, one member of the room accused her of lying because she wasn�t willing to take action on her own behalf. I know this girl isn�t lying, and I know that she is conflicted because she doesn�t want to ruin the good thing her mom has. But she is screwing up her own life if she doesn�t get out of there now, or get that guy put behind bars now. I also fear for her little sister. So, being given advice and berated from all sides, she just left the room in a huff, more or less, and now I am feeling rather unsettled.
My mother worked in children�s aid for many years, in child protection no less. Much of her caseload dealt with girls who were being abused by their step-fathers, sexually and otherwise, and the answer was to remove these girls from their homes and put them in care. This of course is not a good solution, because then they develop other problems from being bumped around foster homes. But the biggest factor was their mothers� denial that anything had taken place. The step-fathers were guilty as hell, but their wives were totally blind to it. Most often it was a child�s teacher who alerted the authorities that foul play was taking place. The mothers were totally clueless.
Now, of course, sex offense is taken much more seriously, and this guy would end up doing jail time. Or, since he already seems to be crazy, he�d end up permanently in the mental hospital. The biggest problem is that the girl herself does not want to incriminate her mother in all this. This is sad, sick and sordid (the three esses). My fears are for the girl herself, her mental as well as her physical well-being, and that someday down the road she will take a gun to this man and risk going to jail for manslaughter. I don�t think, upon hearing her tale, any court would convict her of murder. But at 15, does anyone think that far ahead?
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