A dark cloud across the sun of my mind.

I wasn’t planning on updating today. It was glorious, weather-wise, a welcome change from the incessant soaking we’ve been receiving. I hung out laundry, Buddy Boy cut the grass, I walked into town and back to make some small purchases, stopping to chat with Janice at the book store and a young man who sings in the choir. I sat on the front porch chatting on my laptop with one of my internet friends, and the cat came and left hairs and grass clippings all over the keyboard. It was just a beautiful summer day.

But my mother telephoned three times. In the morning I was able to talk to one of the nurses who arrived with her medications and found out that a couple of residents on the second and third floors (my mom’s on the 2nd) have fevers and coughs and they are quarantining everyone else until this runs its course. They are concerned about contagion because of the coughs, but had already ascertained that this wasn’t the H1N1 virus. My mother, however, feels like she is in jail; in fact, she has felt like that for the past couple of days.

The second time she called, it was early afternoon, after she’d had her lunch (which was brought to her). I had to explain yet again her situation. Just a little while ago, though, came her third call. She wanted to know where she was, how she’d ended up there, and why she wasn’t in her own home, which necessitated me telling her the whole story all over again, including the fact that she has these memory lapses which are a symptom of dementia. I ended the call by telling her I loved her and wishing her good night.

I honestly don’t know how much more of this I can take. I feel like a little girl who wants her mommy, except my mommy is now my little girl and I have to reassure her that everything is all right. I know I talk about this a lot. Talking doesn’t seem to help much, though, because the situation doesn’t get any better.

At supper as I sat with my husband and my son, enjoying a good meal with people I love, I thought that life was pretty good. Then I reflected that my mother is sitting alone in her room, bored, confused, and for her life is not good, and I felt sad again.

I was about to ask when it will all end, but the ending is worse, so I won’t ask.

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