Elgan speaks
...and her words thunder across the land

A circus story.

Saturday, Sept. 2, 2006
9:50 a.m.
I did not post a diary entry yesterday as I was sitting at the computer all day, making corrections to the charts that Hubby came up with for our blues concert, and I experienced such a level of boredom and lack of inspiration that I just couldn't bring myself to write anything here. Sorry. However, I'm going to make it up by telling a story that my son told me.

When Jimmy was 5, he saw posters all over that the circus was coming to town. He'd never been to a circus, and all his friends were talking very excitedly about going, so he came home, all giddy, and said to his dad, "Daddy! Daddy! The circus is coming to town! The circus is coming to town! Can we go? Can we go?" His father heaved a heavy sigh, shook his head and said to the lad, "I'll tell you what my father told me. We'll go when you're 10." The boy was greatly disappointed, but at least he had his 10th birthday to look forward to.

Five years passed, and once more the circus came to town. This time the boy insisted his father honour his promise and, with great sighs of better judgment, the father acquiesced and took his son to the big top set up in the town's sports field. It was amazing! There were elephants and tigers and beautiful girls in sparkly costumes, there were handsome men in shiny tights and there were acrobats and fire eaters and the ringleader in his black tails and shiny tophat. And there were clowns! Colourful, happy, mournful, big, small, there were clowns everywhere!

Then the tiny car, a VW beetle drove into the ring, and all those clowns came spilling out, clowns juggling, clowns with unicycles, with horns, an endless stream of clowns. Suddenly there was one clown left standing, a huge clown, the biggest clown Jimmy had ever seen in his life, and he was looking right at Jimmy, and he pointed his finger and said, "Are you the horse's head?" Jimmy answered timidly, "No," and the clown started laughing and said, "Then you must be the horse's ass!" and the whole circus audience started laughing uproariously along with the crowd and the poor little boy just wished that he could disappear, but of course the spotlight was trained right on him. All his father could do was cluck his tongue.

Years passed. Jimmy was cajoled into going to see the circus on his 18th birthday by his friends. They wouldn't take no for an answer. So he went with them, and for a while was able to lose himself in the brilliance and flash and romance that was the circus. But when the little car came out with all the clowns spilling out of it, there was one big clown left standing, the same clown from eight years before, who pointed his finger at Jimmy and thundered, "Are you the horse's head?" and once more Jimmy answered timidly, "No," and the clown started laughing and said, "Then you must be the horse's ass!" and the whole circus audience laughed uproariously. After this experience, Jimmy vowed he would never, ever go back.

Again, years passed. He was in grad school, studying to be a chemist, when the girl he loved told him she wanted to go to the circus for her birthday. He tried to dissuade her, but she insisted so, to make her happy, he took her. Incredibly, the same clown appeared and thundered the same question: "Are you the horse's head?" Jimmy still answered, "No," and the clown started laughing and said, "Then you must be the horse's ass!" and the whole circus audience once more laughed uproariously.

Eventually Jimmy married and had his own children. He was now married and holding a very responsible position in a pharmaceutical company and he had a son of his own. One day little Billy came to him and said he wanted to go to the circus. His father heaved a heavy sigh, shook his head and said to the lad, "I'll tell you what my father told me. We'll go when you're 10." The boy was greatly disappointed, but at least had his 10th birthday to look forward to.

Jimmy had had it. He had been humiliated so many times in exactly the same situation that he decided it was time to do something about it. He enrolled in a school for witty comebacks. He learned the fine art of the cutting remark. He became all the rage at cocktail parties and among his work colleagues as he was never at a loss for something devastatingly insulting to say. He became a second Oscar WiIde. Years passed. He'd been practising and he was like a well-honed blade. Jimmy was ready.

On Billy's 10th birthday, father and son went to the circus. It was as brilliant as ever with beautiful girls in sparkly costumes riding on ponies, trapeze artists performing aerial acrobatics, lion tamers in shiny tights snapping their whips at dangerously toothed and clawed beasts, and then there were the clowns. The little boy was totally enchanted as they started pouring out of the tiny VW beetle, until the tall, scary clown was left standing at the end staring out into the crowd, staring right at his dad!

The clown looked into the audience and saw the same guy, the guy he had humiliated all those times, and thought to himself, "This guy is an idiot." Then, in a thunderous voice he pointed his finger at Jimmy and roared, "Are you the horse's head?" and Jimmy said loud enough for everyone to hear, "No," and the clown started laughing and said, "Then you must be the horse's ass!"

Jimmy stood up in the spotlight. The clown was amazed; this guy had never defended himself before. Jimmy looked at the clown and said loudly, "Clown! Hey clown! Go fuck yourself."

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