Elgan speaks
...and her words thunder across the land

To continue a tradition I neither asked for nor wanted in the first place or not, that is the question!

Thursday, Sept. 29, 2005
8:25 a.m.
True to my promise, I spent most of yesterday in bed, either sleeping or dozing, or wishing I were sleeping, occasionally coughing up huge gobbets of mucous matter and constantly aware of the burning in my sinuses and the ringing in my ears. My sole source of recreation was the chat, where I heartily complained (but not overmuch) to anyone who would listen. By dinnertime my sore throat was gone, towards evening my sinuses were hurting less, but my ears were still in pain, and this morning they are still �shushing� a little. Considering I have choir this afternoon followed by a blues concert rehearsal, perhaps another hour or two in a horizontal position this morning would be beneficial. I don�t know yet if I can sing even. My speaking voice still sounds like a door-hinge in desperate need of grease.

My burgmansia, after being outside all summer, had one beautiful blossom which the wind has now shredded, but suddenly has produced a plethora of buds, cascading out of its crown. I doubt they�ll have time to open before I need to dig it up and bring it inside, which is a pity. Or, maybe they�ll perfume the interior of my house. That would be nice. In any case, I need to buy some potting soil.

We received an email from one of my brothers-in-law about this, that and t�other, and the last thing he mentioned was the need to cut back on the Christmas gift-giving that we indulge in every year. His suggestion was that we only present presents to children under 16, which would be his granddaughter, as Buddy Boy, who has always been the youngest, is now 16, and hence inelligible. I�m not too sure how I feel about this.

Christmas is not a holiday I grew up with. I observed others go through the mad scramble of shopping and preparations and felt rather smug to be on the outside and uninvolved. Yet at the same time I enjoyed the decorations, the parades, and of course the good cheer that spilled forth at that time of year. Unfortunately, the good cheer always seemed to dry up with all the hangovers come New Year�s Day. My first active participation in Christmas was with my first fianc�, and I absolutely hated it. I had a couple more Christmases with boyfriends after that, but more or less superficially. During my third year at Western I took the bus to Ottawa to be with my then boyfriend for the holidays, and that entailed Christmas morning with his sister, his mother and her boyfriend. There were actual presents for me under the tree, although I had brought none of my own (his sister gave me a little pin in the shape of a treble clef and his mother�s boyfriend had got me a clay pomander in the shape of a little pink pig), but I felt like an outsider nonetheless.

When I got married, there was no question that we would celebrate Christmas. For the first few years it was easy, since we just went to my in-laws. But once we had kids of our own it got a little more complicated. My husband wanted to have a tree and all the trimmings. I entered into it with a pioneering spirit, even making decorations by stringing together cranberries and popcorn (which were later eaten by a neighbourhood dog after I had thrown them out in the backyard for the birds, string and all). We stopped going to Ontario for the holidays when my in-laws started staying in Florida for the whole winter, which is just as well since that drive was a nightmare anyway, instead ferrying our bags of wrapped presents at Thanksgiving and taking home a carful of the same. Even though I am against Christmas in principle, I really did start to enjoy giving gifts. When my oldest brother-in-law announced that they were no longer giving nor receiving gifts outside their immediate family, I felt a little bereft. I didn�t care if I got any from them or not, but I felt bad that I was told I couldn�t give any either. Now, years later, my other brother-in-law has said more or less the same thing. I don�t know how my sister-in-law will take this. They don�t have children, and that changes things. Perhaps we will just not bother with D&P anymore, and their granddaughter is spoiled enough already, so why do we need to contribute to that? Her birthday is on December 24, and we have always just given a combined present.

The bigger question is whether or not we shall continue to celebrate the season ourselves. Of late we have tried to find other names for it: Solstice, Brumalia, for example, to mark it as the pagan holiday it is. I still light Hannukah candles every year, but there is no buying frenzy involved with that, and the only thing my family is forced into is the consumption of potato latkes once or twice during that week (they should complain so much). My observance is more a tribute to my father than anything else, as he was the one who lit the candles and sang the blessing over them, but I know that he didn�t believe in it anymore than I do. (My sense of guilt at not having given my children any yiddishkeit is fodder for another entry.) Frankly, I wouldn�t mind forgetting about Christmas. It would simplify things, save us a lot of money, and make December a much more relaxed month. We could be more lavish at birthdays (Hubby�s is the end of November, mine the end of January), which I always felt were events worth celebrating. But he will never give it up. To quote him: Life is not worth living without Christmas! Perhaps if we lived in a warm climate he would feel differently, but somehow I doubt it.

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