Elgan speaks
...and her words thunder across the land

More rain, inside and out.

Sunday, Jul. 26, 2009
10:09 p.m.
The amplifier cabinet Hubby had built was ready, so we drove out to the luthier’s to pick it up. It’s beautiful, it and the head both. They’ve covered with solid mahogany with a lovely natural finish. This guy, the same guy who built Hubby’s new 7-string guitar, is a real craftsman.

While we were there, I started unburdening myself to his conjointe about my relationship with my brother and the situation with my mother. She gave me a glass of pinot charente to soothe my shattered nerves and gave me some pretty good advice, professional advice. She said that I just have to let my brother go, that he has made it abundantly clear he wants nothing to do with me, so if I want information on my mother’s welfare, I should make my own arrangements with her caregivers. She also said that if I want to send birthday cards or Christmas letters, that’s got to be a no-strings thing, that I don’t expect anything from it. But the rest has to go.

She’s right. I have kept thinking that if I kept making it clear that I was not cutting off communication, he would someday come around, but I see now that I was wrong. For whatever reason, my brother has decided that he no longer wants to associate with me, even where our mother is concerned, so I have to respect that.

This hurts me deeply. Even though he has been a true asshole over the years, I still love my brother. We were incredible buddies growing up. I admired him, idolized him even. But hell, we all change over time, and he changed in a way that wasn’t for the better. So I live with my sorrow.



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