Zap!
4:42 p.m.
However, global warming aside, today I am going to discuss microwave ovens. I own a microwave oven. I would suspect that most people I know own one, most grown-up people, that is, considering I hang out with a lot of non-grownups. I remember when they first came on the market and how amazing they seemed. I worked in a department store at the time in the credit office and in order to reach my area I had to walk through the kitchen appliances (fourth floor). I remember the sales girls mixing up batches of cupcake batter and demonstrating to potential customers how a cupcake could be baked in 30 seconds (or something like that), or at least while one watched.
Even though the microwave oven technology was still in its infancy (we’re talking 1974 here), it was still very impressive. I really wanted my mother to buy one. Maybe it was those cupcakes that were tempting me. But then I kind of forgot about it, or else it was the problems with the technology that convinced me to forget about it. There were always “hot spots” and “cold spots”, places which were either over or undercooked. Different foods did not fare well in a microwave. Even though I know people who swear by them for cooking vegetables, I have always found that the resulting texture is rubbery and tough. When reheating things that should be crisp and crusty, they come out flaccid and soggy.
Enter the convection/microwave oven. My brother has one of these and his wife swears by it. But then again, she does very little actual cooking. She would use it mostly for reheating. Several years ago, when our toaster died, I replaced it with a toaster-oven which has proven to be a rather poor maker of toast, but is great for reheating small portions (when you want them to be crusty and crispy) or cooking up individual servings of things (frozen egg rolls are a good example).
Well, even with all the problems that microwave ovens seem to have, they are still very handy. When we had wee ones who still drank from a bottle, I would warm the contents in there. I know you’re not supposed to, but I was vigilant that it not get too hot or explode or anything. But then, I also have experience using a pressure cooker, which demands constant supervision. That’s another topic I could bore you to tears with. Another time, folks.
Our first microwave oven was a gift from my mother-in-law, a hand-me-down as she had an extra (when she retired from her job at the bank, her co-workers gave her one small enough for the R.V. she and my father-in-law were driving on their retirement of discovery), and it was extremely primitive. We still own it, in fact, but it resides in the basement at the moment. The controls consist of a dial marked in seconds. Period. There is no revolving tray in the bottom and it rattles. It is extremely low wattage. We used it for years before buying something a little more sophisticated with a beeping keypad and LCD for the various settings. That machine eventually bit the dust and was replaced by the one we have now, which just yesterday bit the dust.
The night before last we experienced a series of mini power outages due to inclement weather. This may have screwed up the inner workings of the microwave oven, or it may have just been a matter of time before it went insane, living as it does in our household. But after heating up some leftover tea, the machine suddenly beeped and came on by itself with nothing inside it. I quickly opened the door and hit cancel, then closed the door, and it began all over again. I unplugged it, counted to ten, then hooked it back up the power source. Once more, it started beeping and turning on. I unplugged it for several hours, tried again, same results. The oven, boys and girls, is fucked.
So I found my bill. I bought it in 2003 and had also purchased an extended warranty which is good until May 2008. This means I can take it back to the store to be repaired or replaced. I never buy extended warranties. This was a fluke. Perhaps it was a particularly cute or persuasive sales person who convinced me to do so on the occasion in question. I don’t know. What I do know is that through no fault of my own this appliance has ceased functioning according to manufacturer’s specifications and I have a piece of paper that says I am entitled to satisfaction.
Now we’ll see if the store will deliver on its promise, or if I’ll end up singing a Rolling Stones tune.
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