If academia, then why not life?
7:51 p.m.
I want to take a sabbatical from my present life. In academia, every seventh year a professor is (or should be) entitled to a year off from teaching. He is encouraged to travel, take on research projects and refresh himself so that when he does come back to teach, it is with renewed vigour and energy. Many universities are making it easy for their professors to recharge their batteries even more readily. At the institution where my husband teaches, he can and does take a half-year off every three years, known as a half-sabbatical. It is always done with the intention that you will return, ready to pick up the reins and resume your duties.
I have been a faithful wife for almost 28 years, a mother for 23 of them, a resident of this town for 22 years, and a singing teacher for 21 of those. I have done countless loads of laundry, cooked innumerable meals, hosted dinner parties and receptions, entertained visitors, and put up with more shit than I care to think of. I have made friends, lost friends, tried to find myself, and all this in the context of loving wife and helpmeet to my spouse, whom I promised to love and cherish for the rest of my life. I bore his children (with great physical suffering), took on the majority of the childcare, copy his music, prepare performance materials and accompany him to premieres as the ornament upon his arm.
I put off getting higher education so that I could be a stay-at-home mom, and when my kids were finally able to do without my constant attendance, I decided I really didn’t want that extra piece of paper. I had lost my ambition. I gave up the pursuit of an active singing career because I felt that being a wife and mother was more important, and while I do not regret my decision, I still have moments of resentment that this was so. I do not have the innate ambition to pursue said career now, especially as I’m not young and beautiful anymore, and that’s what you have to be in this game. I am starting to feel washed up.
I want to take a sabbatical. I want to leave my present life, my marriage, my role as mother, teacher, laundress, cook, and do something different. I don’t want to separate from or divorce my husband. I love him. In my heart I know that this is the man I want to grow old with. We’ve already started down that path and it’s a pretty good one. But I need a break. I need to recharge my batteries. I need a sabbatical.
<~~~ * ~~~>
