Ninety years in a nutshell
5:04 p.m.
As it was, we got away on Friday after 11:00 a.m. and arrived at Buddy Boy’s in time to pick him up, go to his sister’s, and catch a meal at Asian Monsoon, a pretty decent restaurant near her apartment. The kids and I ate there when I was cleaning out my mom’s place in November, and I remembered it as being quite nice. We sat around Little Princess’ apartment that night, we two girls knitting, and Hubby and Buddy Boy jamming on the BF’s guitars. He was out with some friends listening to some bands at a bar, to which we had also been invited, but I was so tired after the day’s drive that I begged off.
The next day we lunched at a burger place nearby (delicious veggie burgers were had by the vegetarians), and then Hubby and I went over to the residence to give my mother her birthday present before the crowds arrived. We had bought her a small stereo system so that she can play CDs in her room. It also has an AM/FM radio, but she likely won’t bother with that. We also provided a selection of jazz CDs for her listening enjoyment.
Then we set up the stereo (it is extremely portable) in the private dining room where the catering staff had already laid out the food: cheese, veggies and dip, tea and coffee and waited for the guests. Almost everyone I asked came. My mother’s former tenant did not come, which disappointed me (and her), and a cousin for whom I had had the wrong email address didn’t make it. I learned that his employment had terminated just days before I sent the invitation, and that was the only email address I had for him.
But it was very nice to see cousins I had not seen in over 30 years. One of them is in pretty bad shape; he’s a year younger than my mother and is stricken with both Parkinson’s and Alzheimer’s. His wife is from a long line of women who lived well into their 90’s and later with all their cognition intact, so it is difficult for her. But they are in a residence similar to my mother’s and she says that it is a good thing.
I greeted my sister-in-law who was polite and that was all. We did not exchange any more words the whole time, not even when we found ourselves alone together in the washroom. When she left, she turned her back on me and did not say goodbye, even though she did take her leave from everyone else, including my husband and children. My brother was at least more civil. I gave him a hug before he left, and he thanked me for making the party, saying that it was a great idea.
There were lots of cut veggies and dip left over, so the staff wrapped them up and Little Princess and her BF took them home. We all took my mother out for dinner to a Japanese restaurant where I had delicious salmon teriyaki, my mother had beef, and the others all had inordinate amounts of sushi, which they could not finish. The young folks ended up taking that home too.
We stayed up late knitting, jamming, and just hanging, but I was the first one to hit the hay. Hubby and I slept on an air mattress on the floor of the kids’ spare room, which was comfortable enough. We brought our own bedding, but forgot to bring towels, and on our way down on Friday had stopped en route trying to find a store that sold some. Unfortunately, being Easter, everything was closed.
Before leaving on Sunday, we stopped by my mother’s to say goodbye. She was in pretty rough shape, as I feared she might be. She barely remembered her birthday party of the day before, although she did recall seeing her relatives. We gave her another tutorial on the operation of her new sound system, and I hope that the staff and other visitors will be able to get it working for her. She will likely forget every single time.
The drive home was easy, the weather sunny, the roads clear. Our house was waiting for us unmolested and there were Easter greetings from my in-laws on the answering machine. Today Hubby and I bought groceries and I must get cracking on my taxes and studying for my Spanish.
I had a bit of a revelation yesterday on the drive home. Hubby doesn’t understand or agree with this analysis, since he is a different kind of person, but it is now evident to me that my problem is not with my brother but with his wife, that as long as she doesn’t like me and doesn’t want to be friends with me, he will not make the effort. He has chosen to side with her in this matter, even though to all intents and purposes my quarrel is with him, not her, and that’s all there is to it. I love my brother, I miss the friendship we once shared, but I have learned these past nine years to live without it, and I can continue to do so. It’s sad, but that’s the way things seem to be.
P.S. Just as I hit the submit button, I received an email from my brother saying that he and his wife enjoyed the party and thought it was a good thing, and how nice it was for Mummy to see her relatives and have such a good time. He thanked me for doing it. So why couldn’t his wife say goodbye to me on their way out?
<~~~ * ~~~>
