Digesting�
9:25 a.m.
My mother-in-law is a wonderful person, what you would call a �salt-of-the-earth� type of woman. She is incredibly generous, warm and loving, and is also a control freak. She thinks she knows what�s best for everyone (don�t we all?) but actually only knows what is best for herself, and projects that on to everyone around her. In the past, she would put on huge Thanksgiving and/or Christmas dinners for the whole family, which means her and her husband (and her mother before she died), their five children, their respective spouses and children, and my parents as well once I got added to the mix when she realized that they didn�t celebrate Christmas. Of course she didn�t do all the cooking herself, but my various sisters-in-law would bring over different components of the meal. She insisted on doing the turkey, or the ham, or whatever by herself.
Now she decided herself that she would divide Thanksgiving this year into two shifts: a) us with my mother; and b) M&L and D&P the following day. It is patently impossible for me and Hubby to bring food to this gathering because we are coming from a great distance and don�t have the opportunity to prepare anything beforehand. We could always stop at a supermarket and pick up something at the deli counter, but we have never been asked to bring anything (besides a bottle of wine which is no problem), the fact that we have actually driven eight hours to be there considered sacrifice enough. But I think there is something else going on here, the fact that my MIL cannot relinquish control of what she sees as her party in her house.
The meal was lovely (except for the dried-out salmon), but that�s not why we travelled eight hours. We could eat just as well or better at home or in a restaurant. No, we came because we wanted to spend time with my husband�s family, and his mother dividing dinner up into two shifts prevented us from doing that. Sure, we got in a short visit with D&P the evening before, but it wasn�t the same, and we never did get to see M&L at all. Perhaps if everyone had been invited over for the same meal, it would have been less work for my MIL because the other guests would have brought components of the meal with them. But she still would have insisted on making the main course. As I mentioned above, she is a control freak. Anyway, I felt that we were being punished in a way, although I would never say that outloud where she could hear me. My mother had a wonderful time, although she too likes my other in-laws and missed their presence. She tells me that the best thing I ever did was marry into Hubby�s family. I like to think I�ve done other things that merit praise as well, but I won�t argue with her.
Hubby and I were discussing our mothers last night during pillow talk. We�ve both noticed how his mother has become more crotchety and out-spoken recently. She will say something incredibly mean and hurtful and then follow it up with a compliment of undue proportions. I thought at first that it was due to the pain she must be in with her sore feet (which she was on all day too), but Hubby thinks this is a symptom of age, where the inhibitions and tact guards that are in place earlier start to drop away. I think that this is true. As one ages, there is less to lose, so to speak, and speaks one�s mind much more openly than one would have in middle-age or earlier. I see this in my own mother too. I suppose it is something we can all look forward to.
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