The end of an era
10:03 p.m.
I�ve been chatting with my girlfriend who lives overseas. We�ve been friends for a very long time, having grown up together on the same street, sharing many interests and talents. On a warm summer�s evening when one of us had been visiting the other, we would walk the other to the half-way point, and then spend another hour talking under a street lamp. We used to go to the museum together on public transit, armed with our folding chairs and sketch books, and spend hours drawing the stuffed animals or marble statues. It seems to me we spent many hours together where we never said a word, just enjoying each other�s company.
She could have become an artist, and after getting her B.Sc. she attended art school with the intention of becoming a medical illustrator. That dream never panned out, unfortunately. I think she would have been very happy in that profession. She volunteered on a kibbutz in Israel after her studies and met the man she eventually married. They live in a suburb of Tel-Aviv in a house with a cat, two dogs, three kids and her mother nextdoor. She�s tried her hand at all sorts of jobs over the years when she wasn�t raising kids fulltime, including designing kitchens. Now she teaches ESL to children and seems to have found her m�tier. We were best friends as kids, and we continue so now.
However, she also had another best friend (best being a superlative, I don�t see how there can be more than one at a time, but this was the case) whom she had known practically since birth. She and K lived on opposite sides of a semi-detached house. It was after her father died when she was around six that she moved to my neighbourhood, but she and K continued to go to the same schools (not the ones I attended) and were best friends. I never really warmed up to K. I always found her superficial and overly concerned with appearances. But the only time she and I met was when our mutual best friend got us together for whatever reason, as when her sister gave a dance recital or at birthday or new year parties.
Several years ago my friend and her family came to Canada for a visit. They spent ten days in Toronto at K�s house. That�s a long time to impose on someone, and they realized it and tried to be exemplary guests. K had put them in her furnished basement, which meant that they had their privacy, and were able to toodle about town, shop and sightsee to their hearts� content and have a base to return to at the end of each day. My girlfriend�s husband felt distinctly uncomfortable there. The plan was that they would rent a car and come visit us for a few days and then fly out of Montreal. He was feeling so unwelcome in K�s house that he was afraid to try out the same thing in a new location. His wife prevailed on him to make the trip, and in the end he was glad he did.
At that time we didn�t have the separate guest suite in the basement, so we spread them around a bit. The parents slept in the attic on our old double bed (which is now in the guest room), and the three children slept on the pull-out couch and futon in the TV room. I cooked up a storm every evening and made sure they were well fed. We had a snowfall in October, which delighted the six-year-old, but caused an hours-long power outage forcing the kids to play board games instead of watching videos; and my girlfriend, her husband and I went for a long stroll into town, checking out the various antique stores and enjoying the winter wonderland.
We had a great visit! Her husband told me quite frankly that he had had second thoughts about coming, but now was glad they had. As unwelcome as he had felt at K�s, he was really enjoying himself at our house and now wished that they had reversed the visit so that they had spent the longer period with us.
Now we come to the matter at hand, which is that my girlfriend has experienced a widening gulf between herself and K since that visit. She has emailed and tried to get her to make time for a chat on MSN, just as one would make a date for coffee, but K is always �too busy� to spend a half-hour on the computer chatting with her best friend since babyhood. My friend is at the end of her rope over this, and after weeks of silence and getting no response to ecards and emails, she has finally composed a letter in which she asks if this is truly �it�, and their friendship of over 45 years is at an end. She sent me a rough draft to read, and I was very moved. If K is not moved, I think perhaps it is time for this relationship to die and be buried. But as my girlfriend says, if this is truly the case, then she needs closure. It�s sad when anything good comes to an end, but it is especially sad when a friendship so lovingly cultivated over such a long period becomes barren and emotionally empty.
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