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4:31 p.m.
I grew up in the sixties at the time when many of our neighbours were putting cardboard boxes out for the garbage pickup (now they would go into recycling, but times change) with labels like RCA, GE, et cetera. They were getting black and white televisions, and it was a delight to go over to my friend Monika�s house to watch �Diver Dan� or �The Beatles� (a cartoon show based on none other than the then famous rock band). As you have probably already guessed, my family did not own a television. As a matter of fact, we held off in that department for years.
In 1967 my grandparents died (within a month of each other, so sad) and, my mother being an only child, we got everything, including their black and white television. This was at a time when new cardboard boxes were appearing on the curbs, this time because the neighbours were all upgrading to colour sets. Our television was relegated to the basement, not a nice place at all, and the children were strictly forbidden to watch it on school nights. I was 10 years old by now, and had definitely not developed the habit. But on Monday nights my parents would go off to their film society, and my brothers and I would sneak downstairs to watch �I Spy� with Bill Cosby and Robert Culp. I loved that show! But oft was the time we would hear the car coming into the driveway before the show was finished and had to run upstairs, never knowing the conclusion of the episode.
Eventually my parents moved the TV upstairs into the living room, where a version thereof has remained ever since. My father, the comedian, would position himself in front of it with a clipboard, noting down any jokes he heard on �Laugh-in� or �Hee Haw� that he thought worth repeating. �All in the Family� was a great favourite in those days. I couldn�t watch it because Archie Bunker�s stupidity and bigotry just made me angry. Now when I see reruns I laugh myself silly. But when I was a teenager I just never found it funny. My dad also used to like �The Twilight Zone� with Rod Serling. I couldn�t watch that either, because it gave me the heebie jeebies. I did like M*A*S*H though, so it�s not like I never watched television. There was a show on in those days with Ben Gazara called �Run for your Life� about a man who discovers he has six months to live, so decides to live them to the extreme. I also really enjoyed �The Saint� with Roger Moore. Ah yes, the golden age of television.
Anyway, when I left home to go to university, I did not have a television. At some point my roommate in third year obtained a small set from her mother, and she would watch soap operas. I remember coming home one day in the afternoon as she was watching one of these shows, so I joined her. After 10 minutes, I got up, exclaiming, �What the hell am I watching this for? This is stupid!� and I never watched it again. I don�t recall ever actually turning that TV on while it was in our apartment. When Hubby and I wed, we did not have one either. Our very first TV was in the house we rented in Brandon, Manitoba. I was pregnant that year, and television watching became an evening occupation for us. I got really good at imitating the farmers in the Roundup commercials, and the stupid mechanic in the Canadian Tire commercial. The next year in Waterloo, Ontario we had not only a television, but a Beta VCR as well. That was fun. Then we moved to L�ville, and lived in Tom and Mary�s house. They had a television, and it was located in the room that I took over to do my music copying in (ah yes, the old pen and ink days). Unfortunately, my husband would finish his work for the night, come into my space, and turn on the TV while I was still working. I hated that.
When we moved into the house on campus we were once again television-less. We were also dishwasher-less, but that is another story for another time. We had one small child and one on the way, and that was absolutely fine with me. I read incessantly to my wee bairn, the only stipulation being that I would not read the same book twice in one day. So she had a varied literary experience. When we built the house we live in now, we were still without TV. I was happy, yes I was. Then disaster struck. My husband got it into his head that he wanted to buy a television. I just laughed at him and said, �Go ahead, but I am not helping you.� I figured it wouldn�t happen because he had so little time to go shopping. But he not only bought a 27" Sony Trinitron colour television, he also bought a matching VCR and got the salesman to throw the little table in for free. When the delivery man came with these new gadgets (it was just days before xmas), I told him that the kids thought he must be one of Santa�s elves (un lutin de P�re No�l for pantasy).
I was incensed. That doesn�t mean I emitted a pleasant odour when lit. For the first little bit I wouldn�t even learn which was the right button to turn it on (it was the green one). Then disaster struck again. I became a junkie, catching up on all the popular culture I had heretofore missed out on. After a while I realized that there wasn�t anything good on, so I stopped doing that and concentrated on taping and watching Startrek: The Next Generation episodes. I believe I have seen every one. While the kids were little, we restricted their viewing to parentally-approved shows, and once school started they were cut off during the week. Hey, it worked for me! As a result, they would arrive home Friday afternoon and become glued to the idgit box. Fortunately, we put it in the basement (doesn�t this sound oh so familiar?) but made it a pleasant viewing environment. We went a little crazy with the taping of movies and specials, and have many shelves full of videos which we will probably never watch and which are slowly disintegrating.
In 1999 we went to Greece for three months and cancelled our cable subscription. Upon our return we were then able to get three stations: one English, two French. That seemed to be enough. By now we had a DVD player and were watching movies, although I never found it satisfactory on the small screen. Three years ago Hubby broke his foot playing tennis. He was miserable, and in order to make himself feel better, he decided to buy a new television. So off to Future Shop we went and ordered a 61" Toshiba High Definition TV, complete with satellite hook-up and receiver thrown in as a promotion. Because we were getting HDTV, we had to buy a HD receiver, which was pretty pricey and had to be replaced twice due to some manufacturing glitch (we also spent large amounts of money on warranties), so the regular receiver is attached to our stereo system for reception of all the Galaxy stations.
The deliverymen came with the 61" television, brought it into the hallway, and then could not get it down the stairs. It was pretty funny. So they took it back and we called the store and reordered the 55" set, thus saving ourselves $500 in the process. When it arrived, the deliverymen were able to get it into the TV room, with a dicey moment on the stairs though, and positioned it to my specifications. Next the satellite guy had to come and install all that stuff, and we were in business. When I sent my girlfriend in Israel an email that we had made this purchase, she wrote me back saying that she had received an email from someone pretending to be me because it said we had bought a 55" television! Ha ha! Our old TV we gave to my mother, whose set was ready for putting on the curb (along with all those paper boxes), and she is very happy with it. It is still a great television, but who needs two?
So, in order to justify having this fabulous entertainment centre in our basement (we are now equipped with a fancy amplifier and 5-speaker surround sound, plus a subwoofer [read this and weep, drgeek]), I must first say that where I live first-run movies are rarely in their language of origin, but have been dubbed into French due to some stupid language law in Quebec which specifies that if a French-dubbed version is available, it must be shown over the original version. Hence, when LOTR arrived, it was shown in English and French. But most films are in French only, not even sub-titled. This way we can rent them on DVD (a little stale, but that�s okay) and watch them in the privacy of our own home on our own TV, make our own popcorn, and have the large-screen, Dolby surround-sound experience. As for regular television viewing, I think I watch two hours a week, tops. The kids never really developed the habit, and Hubby is only glued to it during tennis tournament season. The Australian Open ended last night, so there is a reprieve until the French Open in April.
And here ends the tale of elgan and the television, brought to you by Diaryland, your commercial sponsor.
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